The return...

I want to just come out and say it... I have many issues.. I need to deal with them, and don't get me wrong. I am definitely not screwed up, but I just think I am out of the "norm". Dealing with my issues is something I have been doing a lot lately. Seeking God and asking Him where I stand in the whole "Him and I" thing we have going. Thus far I have realized that I need Him in so much more of my life than I actually allow Him. It's like I have created this little cage or box in the past of things I allowed God to help me with, and the rest I tried to tackle on my own. Well..hehe let me tell you how badly I have failed... We can not have everything our hearts desire and God at the same time. That my friends I learned the hard way. However, Here I stand... How far will God take me... Here I run... How far will God go with me... It's when I fall broken before His feet that He says, okay lets get up and try again.
Friends, God is so good even if we sometimes fail to see Him in our lives, or when we are so weak that we think we are worthless to the world. We are merely beings of God shaped by Him to accomplish His will.
I will seek Him for the rest of my life, and I will learn new things about myself for the rest of my life too. When I am weak God is my Strength...

I am nowhere near where God is taking me... But I say "bring on the journey". Because it's what lies at the end of the road that I am most excited for.

I love you guys...
-Dan

In the stream...

For those of you who know me, I have been a little distant lately. I do apologize for having been this way. Life and all the things it beholds has been hard for me for the past years. Well since January... 2006. I am not going to get into details, but I do want to say that I feel low. In a sense I feel abandonment from the deepest love in my life (God). I know that He is there and that He loves me dearly... I just, well I can say that I am seriously going through the "motions". I am to a point where even hanging out with other people sometimes seems to be a burden to me. I wanna be alone all the time and separate myself from all that is relevant.
However being the person God made me I fight hard against the desire to long for deep friendships or even a "relationship". I feel I'm just going to end up hurt or regretting people I get close to. I should be alone... I shouldn't be alone... This I contemplate. But I have God... But I need community. Oh well... I dunno what to say... I am stuck in this rut.. and I feel like there is no way out of it this time. It's been to long. Plus I haven't really had anyone to talk to about life and issues... I mean yes I have vented a little but ultimately I have laid myself down infront of God and have pleaded for help!! Yet.. I still dwell endlessly in desperation for a new "something". I want to read this book I am borrowing from my sister... I don't know why I am borrowing it, cuz I barely ever read... but I want to.. I desire too but It never comes around.
I don't write to nag or to cry about life... I just felt a need to express... Even though this "expressing" myslef on this blog right now feels like a Glacial understatement. I am not asking for sympathy, that's the last thing I need. I am just tired of being on the wrong side of the wall, or climbing up the wrong ladder... ya know enough of that...


Karyn is leaving tomorrow. I will miss her a lot. Pray for her safety and that God will use her in Honduras. She is gonna be away for six months. Pray that God will provide her with everything she needs to be provided with... (kinda vague but I mean everything)
Sarah is in Indonesia... Pray for her too...
I am in Calgary... I need prayer... (it's kinda sad I know)

Well folks that's all I got for this one...
Keep on keepin on'
His,
-Dan

Rain on...

So today I was to start this new job that I went for an interview for on Monday. I get there and the guy who hired me and told me to come today wasn't there. So I was like okay.. Good start. Then I waited for like 15 minutes and this guy with the name "Ret" shows up... I know I have never heard such a name. But apparently the male character from Gone with the wind or something is called Rett. Moving Ret came to me and told me that he was to be my crew leader and such. I was satisfied with that and thought to myself, good... We can go on. Then he told me t go sit in a room and make myself comfortable for a while as he was to make a few phone calls. Soon after that he returned and he got me set up with some "gear" which were saftery glasses and a hard hat. Hehehe. He then told me that I'd have to fill out the paper work on a later day because Maury the guys who hired me wasn't there. So once again I was like ooookay... Why not. LOL
We then proceeded on to a site close by the mustard seed that we where working on. I started breaking some pillars down to the beams. As I was working away curiosity hit me and I thought to myself "I wonder what their benefits are like" the benefits Maury told me I would have after a while and that I specifically asked him about during our interview and he told me that I would get some after a while of working there. So at lunch break I went to the "Ret" and asked him about these sweet benefits... Hmmm he said followed by a giggle... Yeah "Maury just tells people that so they would start working here heheh" I was like what are you kidding me. What a joke... So the boss of the company, the guy who hired me lied to my face. ARRRGGG as you could imagine..Yes I had a little rage inside, so I called Maury and asked him about these wonderful benefits, and he completely denied that he told me that... SKETCHY I thought... I then proceeded on home. And that was the end of that job... Weird man I tell you.

Anyhow other then that today was a great rainy day... And I don't say that sarcastically, I love the rain. I whish that it rained more often some days. I had a sweet nap and got well rested. I then woke up and ate some delicious steak. mmmmmm

alright that's it for today folks, ya'll have a good thurs/fri...

Lates,
-Darius....

Such a Mystery ...

In the process of revamping my Xanga, I came across this very disturbing picture of me heheh... I believe I was trying to imitate a Raptor. Yes a dinosaur hahaha. I am sure the sound comes very close to that of the original Raptor "attack noise"... In fact I am willing to wager money.
Sometimes we just do strange things... I hope that answers your question about why I'd be doing such weird things as imitating a Raptor. Or on the other hand maybe you have always thought that I've been a raptor incognito. Who knows...
Beauty is all around us folks, it's just a matter of looking hard enough to see what's really beautiful. The truly amazing stuff.
I once read in a book that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that is absolute bollox. Beauty can not be in one's eye, unless you have like really nice eyes like Rori Gilmore heheh. Better yet I believe Beauty is found in the anthropomorphic cranium. The "human mind" where we think and dream and hope. The eye is just what the brain uses to see. The heart however, is a mystery...

Good night...

Beautiful

And so it Goes
Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretence
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Lights all around...

I truly have a thing for lights... City lights, highway lights... It all depends on the surroundings too and often time the music Im listening to in my head or on my mp3 player. But I love taking pictures of lights.
They make me wanna dance and sing heheheh.
They are beautiful.
I can't wait to save enough money to buy a digital SLR camera... It's going to be sweet!!
Somedays I just like walk by things and sit there wishing I could snap like a bunch a pictures... oh man... It's so relaxing.


This picture is one I took from a balcony downtown.
in the back you see a the red or green colour (sorry I'm colour blind) is actually a store sign and the white lights are street ligths and cars passing... Aint it so beautiful...
Anyhow... it's almost weekend and I need serious sleep...

Have a good night and sleep to dream friends...

Yet another move under my belt....

Last night at about 1:00 am I hung up my "moving cap" and decided I was done. All my boxes or most of them have been unpacked and our place is feeling like it could be my home for the next year. I love my room and the fact that I have my own bathroom too. I think that I will be able to have some good solitude in my room. It's definitely spacier than my old room so that I am fan of and is totally kief. It felt nice to sleep in today and I was able to get a nice rest for once. I even feel a lot better health wise too. I think the medication the doctor gave me for my bronchitis is working well. I think I am going to watch some Gilmore girls and eat some cereal.
Other then this move being over life is fairly good, I can't some I'm excited to go to work on Tuesday, but at least I get labor day of and that's greaaaat. I stopped by the rez last night to check in with the "Gerry hall" boys and Freshies... Oh it was nice to see some old faces and meet some brand new guys as well.
Anyhow, This year is going to be a huge challenge for me and I need a lot of prayer...please.
Thank you...

Im a out... Enjoy the rest of you're weekends
-Dan